At higher levels, experienced executives often help each other manage stress by listening, validating the stakes, and talking their way back to steadiness.
Customer Journey Series: Susan
This article is part of a customer journey series following “Susan,” a biotech sales executive navigating rapid organizational growth, leadership pressure, acquisitions, and team scaling.
Each post explores a real coaching conversation or leadership challenge from that journey.
This is the third post in the series.
“I don’t know how to handle my boss,” Susan said. “He’s putting so much pressure on me that it’s distracting from my work.”
This is a classic moment during inflection points. At senior levels, people often feel freer to express pressure openly. All you need to do is listen. They trust that the people around them know what they are going through. The key is to listen without absorbing the stress yourself.
But for someone who is rising into the upper ranks, it can be disconcerting and disorienting. People who normally exude leadership presence and executive ease start revealing their vulnerabilities.
At that level, experienced executives often help each other manage stress by listening, validating the stakes, and talking their way back to steadiness. When someone reacts openly to the stress, it’s a sign of trust, but you have to read the signs well in order not to experience emotional contagion. If you, too, panic, you can lose credibility.
During this time, Susan came to our session with a story of how her boss had called her the previous weekend, late on Saturday, to tell her she just had to hustle more. He went on for about ten minutes, telling her how this is the most important quarter for sales they had ever had.
She listened, trying to understand what he meant, but he just kept repeating the word hustle.
Susan interrupted her story to say, “Sales at this level has nothing to do with hustling and he has no idea how the sales process works.”
Then she finished her story: “And then, get this, after a ten-minute rant, he says, ‘I don’t have time for this. I’m at a wedding.’ And he hung up.”
There was a short silence, then Susan said, “It doesn’t make any sense.”
I said, “you’re right, it doesn’t make sense logically, but it does make sense emotionally. When people are stressed, they say all kinds of things that they don’t mean literally.
“Stress responses usually fall into the classic fight, flight, or freeze patterns. In this case, it was fight. He was aggressive. Did you feel that?”
“Yes,” she said.
“That’s what he wanted you to feel,” I said. “The urgency, the aggression, the need for action. He wanted you to know how important it is for you to succeed. Does that make more sense?”
“Yes,” she said. “If I step back, I can see it as a stress reaction. I don’t know what he’s stressed about though. We’re on track to hit our targets.”
“This is the thing about stress, it spreads. You don’t need to know where the stress comes from, you just need to protect your boundaries and his. He’s taking it out on you, but you don’t have to take the stress on.
“The main thing to remember is this: your boss’s stress is not your stress.
“In any leadership position, you need to be aware of stress. When people are reacting in ways that don’t make sense, stress is likely to be the cause of it,” I explained.
I continued. “If you can identify it as a fight, flight, or freeze response, the best thing to do is step back and try to get some perspective. Protect your emotional boundaries and don’t get caught up in other people’s stress.
Then I said, “Just by listening and validating how people feel, you help them calm them down and be more rational. They will generally be grateful for your steadiness during a tough moment.”
“I get it, and you’re right. My boss’s stress is not my stress.”
Susan learned that in those moments, her job was not to absorb the panic. Her job was to stay grounded, protect her perspective, and keep leading her team steadily through the pressure.
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