Today I’m sharing another book about empathy that saves lives and that has deepened my gratitude for empathy.
Empathy that saves lives? Yes, this is a book about how empathy, or the lack of it, results in life or death. The title is Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depends on It, by Chris Voss. This is another personal and practical book, this time by a former FBI terrorist negotiator. Voss details his own journey to learn how to be empathetic as a way of negotiating with people like bank robbers and other criminals in ways that save lives and reduces harm. He, too, explores the transformative powers of empathy, and what happens when people feel you understand their needs and desires.
As a negotiator, he uses empathy not because it’s desirable or feels good, but because it’s effective. In the 1970s, he and the FBI learned the hard way that failing to empathize led to a lot more innocent people losing their lives. In Entebbe and Munich, the use of force resulted in the loss of innocent civilian lives as well as the criminals. That was unacceptable.
By empathizing with kidnappers, terrorists, and criminals, they found they could create a human bond and trust that allows even terrorists to relax, which helps them think more clearly. Voss recalls helping a bank robber accept the fact that they are surrounded by a few hundred FBI SWAT team members, all pointing their guns at them, and lay down their arms, and come out peaceably. No one died.
Along the way, he shows us how to use empathy as a negotiating tactic in business and in our life.
If I have piqued your interest in empathy, read further. I highly recommend Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. I’m grateful I did.
This post is part of my Gratitude Project 2025: The Magic of Empathy — a 30-day exploration of empathy and gratitude. Visit the hub to follow along or catch up on past reflections.
If you’d like to explore the science behind gratitude, visit the Greater Good Science Center’s Gratitude Resources.
