Every year in November, I dedicate myself to thirty days of gratitude, this year, with a focus on empathy.
My gratitude project has become an anchor and compass in my life. This year, my focus is on the quiet power of empathy: the ability to truly see and understand another person. Empathy turns gratitude outward—it transforms appreciation for what we have into appreciation for who others are. Each day this month, I’ll share a reflection on what empathy looks and feels like in real life, and why it might just be the most profound form of gratitude there is.
Visit this hub to follow along or catch up on past reflections. I’ll be updating it daily with links to my daily reflections on empathy and gratitude.
November 1: My Gratitude Project on the Magic of Empathy
Every year in November I dedicate myself to 30 days of gratitude. This year, I’m grateful for the boundless benefits and joys of empathy. I will be exploring the particular kind of magic that happens when you make someone feel truly seen, heard, and validated as a unique human being in the very particular circumstances they find ourselves in.
Empathy is typically described as putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. But in my experience, it is really much more than that. The power of empathy emerges in the details, the depth of the effort to truly understand, and the ways that you signal to the other person that you really see them. You hear them. You understand they are doing the best given their circumstances, and that probably, given the same situation, you would do the same.
So, empathy begins with the effort to see things from the other person’s perspective. Truly seeing the complexity of their situation and understanding how it would feel to be them takes time and effort. But the rewards are immense, and I think, if you follow along and try empathy, you will be grateful you did.
Ultimately, when you dedicate yourself to a true and full understanding of another person, you move beyond empathy to something more profound. At that point, you can reach the Golden Rule and treat them the way you would want to be treated if you were in their place.
In return, something magical happens for them and for you. This month, I’ll be exploring what it takes to get to that place in daily posts and sharing tips for how to get there. Each post is separate but I’ll link them to this post so you can just come back here anytime if you want to follow along.
By the end of this month, if you come on this empathetic journey with me, I hope you are as grateful as I am for the magic of empathy.
November 2: Empathy is Not Agreement–But It Can Transform Everything
True empathy doesn’t require approval. It invites understanding, even when beliefs or actions conflict, and that, as it turns out, is transformative. Read more.
November 3: Empathy is Non-Judgmental
As soon as you start judging someone—labeling them good or bad, right or wrong, should or shouldn’t, and the like—you have ceased empathizing. The point of empathy is simply to understand someone, no more, no less. Read more.
November 4: Empathy vs Sympathy—Why One Heals and the Other Distances
We feel sympathy for someone and, in contrast, we feel empathy with someone, that’s the difference between empathy vs sympathy. Feeling sympathy for someone implies a certain distance. When you empathize with someone, you feel what they are feeling. So rather than distancing, it is bonding. Read more.
November 5: How Tactical Empathy Turns Conflict into Connection
Tactical empathy is the act of letting another person know you see them, you hear them, you understand them. To be effective, validation has to resonate with the other person as if they said it themselves. The easiest way to do this is to mirror what they said, or copy it. Hearing their own thoughts from another person’s mouth is a powerful experience. Read more.
November 6: Mirror Neurons and Empathy: We’re Wired to Connect
We are born with mirror neurons and empathy, which promote the emotional connection we need to thrive. How we use empathy in daily life determines how well we create the bonds that satisfy our human needs. Read more.
November 7: Mirroring and Trust: The Science of Empathy at Work
Mirroring and trust happen without trying, but when we learn to do it consciously, magical things happen. We signal, “trust me, I’m just like you.” Read more.
November 8: Naming Feelings: The Next Step in Empathy
If you want someone to know that you empathize with them, try naming their feelings. Naming feelings can be a little tricky because you can’t ever 100% know what someone else is feeling. The key is to listen closely enough that you can imagine what you would feel in that situation. Read more.
November 9: Eight Practices of Empathy That Strengthen Connection
When we break it down, empathy becomes a number of small acts and practices of empathy. Read more.
November 10: Acceptance: The Hardest—and Most Healing—Form of Empathy
Acceptance is acknowledging the reality of a situation without judging or trying to change it. This is a powerful practice that many of us resist. When we do get there, it almost always leads to gratitude. Read more.
November 11: Empathy and Change: The Paradox That Transforms Us
Ironically, empathy and change are more closely related than most people think. Empathy and change might seem to be opposites, but the secret of empathy is that it is what most people need in order to be ready to change. Read more.
November 12: Everyday Empathy: The Skill That Makes Life Easier
Everyday empathy isn’t just a feeling. It’s a skill to use daily. My husband, Gary, is a master of empathy and it’s many uses. In his hands, empathy is the way to make miracles happen. Read more
November 13: Empathy Is a Gift: The Healing Power of Listening
When empathy is a gift, friendship and gratitude grow. Read more.
November 14: Empathy and Body Language: Listening Without Words
Sometimes we forget to pay attention to empathy and body language: the loudest clues that have no sound at all. Read more.
November 15: Cognitive Bias and Empathy: Seeing the World Clearly
What gets in the way of empathy and change? Mostly it’s what psychologists call cognitive bias. Read more.
November 16: The Psychology of Empathy: Why Acceptance Heals
The psychology of empathy is the science behind empathy. It works in everyday life and also in extraordinary moments. Read more.
November 17: How Caroline Fleck’s Book “Validation” Deepened My Gratitude for Empathy
This is a post of gratitude for Caroline Fleck’s book, “Validation,” a must-read for anyone who wants better relationships in life.
November 18: Empathy That Saves Lives: Lessons from Chris Voss
Empathy that saves lives? Yes, in his book, Chris Voss shows how empathy, or the lack of it, results in life or death. Read More.
November 19: Conflict and Empathy: The Key to Real Change
If you want to fight, the last thing you want to do is empathize. So, ask yourself, do you want to fight or do you want results? Read more.
November 20: Empathy in Coaching: A Story of Healing and Growth
Personally, I use empathy in coaching daily. Read more.
November 21: Empathy and Leadership: What Gen Z Gets Right
A new poll reveals how empathy and leadership work together. Read more.
November 22: Healing with Empathy: When Listening Opens the Door
Even in the toughest moments, healing with empathy can open a door. Read more.
November 23: Seeing Through the Glass Clearly
Empathy and love are inseparable. Both lead to healing and clarity. Read more.
November 24: Why Some People Struggle with Empathy
So, why do some people seem incapable of understanding others? Here are a few of the common causes. Read more.
November 25: Animal Empathy: What Horses, Crows, and Dogs Teach Us
Animal empathy? Research suggests that many animals empathize just like we do—or at least sort of like we do. Read more.
November 26: Empathy and Turkeys: A Thanksgiving Reflection | My Gratitude Project Day 26
Empathy and turkeys — a half-serious post on the day before Thanksgiving. Read more.
November 27: Thanksgiving Gratitude: A Little Empathy at the Table
Happy Thanksgiving! Serve that crazy family member a little empathy. Read More
November 28: Gratitude and Empathy: My Tools for Healing
For me, gratitude and empathy aren’t just professional skills, but deeply personal ones. Read more.
November 29: Preparing for Empathy: 5 Questions Before You Begin
As you would with any other important conversation, take time to prepare for empathy. Read more.
If you’d like to explore the science behind gratitude, visit the Greater Good Science Center’s Gratitude Resources.
