Get through your holiday blues without giving into them.

In spite of holiday parties at work and at home, carolers at the mall, and all those twinkling lights, a lot of people aren’t feeling the holiday cheer. Holidays can bring on the blues, leaving you feeling sad, isolated, and even mournful.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but in order to dispel these feelings, it’s important to first acknowledge and honor them. The more you try to ignore them, the more often they will seem to pop up at inopportune times, like holiday time. One little tug at a certain memory can bring a whole cascade of feelings back. Because we all have a lifetime of holiday memories, there are plenty of ways that our less-than-happy feelings can get triggered.

Still, you can acknowledge your feelings without giving into them or getting stuck in the holiday blues. When you feel a sad memory or difficult emotion rising up, tune into the emotion for a few moments. Try to identify the emotion and what it reminds you of. Then ask yourself how long you want to spend feeling this way. Sometimes simply acknowledging a loss or difficulty is enough, and you’re ready to move on. Other times, you might feel the need to explore the feeling a little more through conversation with a friend or family member, writing in a journal, taking a walk, or sitting quietly with something hot to drink.

It’s important to remember that anxiety, pessimism, loss, and sadness don’t necessarily lead to depression. For most people, moments of sadness are a normal outcome of living a full life. There are bound to be disappointments, losses, fears, and even anger in the happiest lives. These experiences often help us empathize with others who are experiencing tough times. Many top leaders cite hardships in their business and their personal lives as important learning experiences in their growth as a leader.

Fortunately, optimism is an emotional intelligence skill and something you can get better at if you try. When you have acknowledged your negative feelings and are ready to move on, here are a few ways to generate happier feelings.

  1. Smile. When you feel good, you smile. Did you know that it works the other way around too, and that smiling can actually make you feel better? Smiling has been shown to release chemicals in your brain associated with happiness, like dopamine and serotonin, both of which increase our sense of happiness and lower feelings of stress. Added benefit: it looks great!
  2. Remember that images of fun don’t indicate real happiness. Scrolling through your social media feeds may trigger feelings of anxiety or loneliness. While it may seem like everyone on social media is happier than you are, don’t confuse having fun with being happy. Most people exaggerate the fun they are having in photos designed to project an exciting image of themselves. No matter how much fun they seem to behaving, “seem” is the operative word here. It’s unrealistic for anyone to be happy all the time. Keep in mind what Robin Williams said: “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” To get through your holiday blues, try a one-week ban on social media.
  3. Focus on your strengths. Refocusing on your successes and strengths will help you feel more positive about the future. Make a list of what is going right and what you have done to make things better. If you’re having a hard time thinking what your strengths are, try the Clifton StrengthFinder report. It will send you a report with information about 34 strengths that you have and will identify the top strengths that make you unique. It’s a great place to distract you from your holiday blues and start focusing on what you do best. It costs $49.95 and anyone can simply go on the site and take it. The Clifton StrengthFinder report makes a great gift for anyone looking to focus on positive thinking in the new year.    
  4. Plan something to look forward to.  The essence of optimism is looking ahead to something you like. Vacations and get-togethers with friends are great, but small daily rewards help lift your spirits, too.  Something like a haircut, your favorite sweet treat, a walk in your favorite park, or a phone call to a friend are great rewards that you can schedule a few times a week to keep you looking ahead.
  5. Focus on your hopes.  Having hope is the key to resiliency. When challenges and setbacks create feelings of anxiety, despair, loss, or sadness, focus on the hope that you’ll get through it. As Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going!” Hope can help you find the energy to gather your resources and figure out positive next steps. No matter how bad things get, there are always options. You don’t have to believe everything will be wonderful to have hope, just a sense that you’ll able to handle what comes your way and you’ll accept handling things as best you can.