There’s Positive Feedback, Coaching and Counseling
When people genuinely want to do well, and nearly all employees do, a coaching approach to feedback works best.
Recently my client Christina* was taking her new hire, Julie, along for a meeting with a vendor. Christina, Julie, and the vendor were on site, looking at an event space. The vendor was recommending more tables.
“I think we need to do it,” said Christina, “but I’ll have to get my boss to approve it.” It was a perfectly balanced and considered response.
Then Julie piped up: “He is so cheap. Why doesn’t he just spring for the right set up the first time?”
Christina and the vendor looked at each other, but no one said anything. The ride back to the office was more silent than usual.
It happens all the time. Someone you’re managing says something or does something that’s out of line. I might be an outburst, like Julie’s, or it might be a poor decision, or some sort of mistake. Whatever it is, more often than not, it’s met with silence.
No one wants to give negative feedback. It’s the reason so few bosses give feedback at all. According to recent studies, more than two-thirds of managers say they are uncomfortable communicating with their employees.
Considering that managers generally have several direct reports, it’s fair to assume that the vast majority of employees on the front line are left with little or no guidance. This does not bode well for the employees or organizations.
Fortunately, as a manager, you don’t ever have to give negative feedback. You can give positive feedback, and when problems arise, you can turn to coaching and counseling. These are positive approaches to problems that help people understand their mistakes, learn from them, and move on in a more positive way.
Coaching
Coaching uses targeted questions to make people aware of how they are being perceived. Questions help them consider positive options to increase their collaboration, respect, and effectiveness.
When you coach your employees, it’s up to you to ask questions that help them explore motivations and build awareness. It’s about assessing where the root of the problem is. Is this employee having trouble controlling impulses? Does this employee need more training in technical skills so they make fewer mistakes? Does the employee need more oversight and fewer opportunities to make poor decision until they get the experience to make better decisions?
By asking a few simple questions, you can find out what caused the incident and you can take steps to ameliorate and create conditions for better future performance. When people genuinely want to do well, and nearly all employees do, a coaching approach to feedback works best.
Counseling
There is a small percentage of employees who, for personal or professional reasons, are not coachable. Some people have emotional issues that coaching won’t resolve. Arrogance, resentment, and other entrenched negative emotions create havoc in the workplace in myriad ways. People can also be professionally incompatible with their job, either because of a skill gap, or because they simply don’t like the job or their team. Sometimes they have outgrown the job, and sometimes the job evolves to where they don’t fit anymore. If they don’t want to quit, they can act out in disruptive ways.
It’s not a manager’s job to address these issues These employees need to be counseled.
Counseling is a process of formally advising an employee about what is and what is not acceptable. It is warranted when asking questions about the incident uncovers motivations and skill gaps that are not easily addressed. During coaching, a manager might discover that the disruptive behavior is founded in negative feelings about the organization, like lack of respect or resentment. This is beyond the realm of management. The same is true if the behavior is rooted in apathy or antipathy for the job, or if a poor decision is based on lack of interest in getting the job done right.
Counseling is not a threat or a warning about dismissal, and it’s important to keep that in mind. It’s about making an employee—as well as HR or others in the organization—aware that the employee’s attitude may not be compatible with job performance. In counseling, you bring difficult issues to the surface and make the employee consciously decide to change their behavior or change their job. It’s actually a way of empowering a disaffected employee and giving them a chance to figure out what’s right for them.
Counseling is a serious step. If you have to turn to counseling, notify HR and work with people who have the authority to make HR decisions. Once everyone is aware of the problem and its severity, the employee and the organization need to work together to oversee the employee until there is a turnaround, or until the employee leaves or is fired.
The greatest danger is in leaving someone in a position where there are mistakes and poor decisions, and nothing is said. This can go on for years. Often the organization takes covert steps to reduce the employee’s exposure or duties in an attempt to control potential for damage. With every reduction, the employee feels diminished, leading to even more resentment. The outcome will not be good and could turn ugly. But it can be avoided if you use coaching and counseling to deal with problems.
Moving Forward Positively
In our coaching session, as she recounted the incident with Julie and the vendor, Christina felt embarrassed, furious, and confused. “I couldn’t believe what she was saying! Do you think she really meant that about my boss?” As we discussed the incident, Christina realized she didn’t know if Julie had just blurted out something awkward or if she really didn’t respect the boss and the organization’s approval processes.
Because Julie is a new hire, I suggested that Christina schedule a first month review to find out if Julie was aware of her awkwardness. The plan was for Christina to ask first about any challenges. If Julie didn’t bring up the incident, then Christina would bring it up and say she felt uncomfortable.
Christina was prepared for two kinds of answers. If Julie acknowledged awkwardness about what she said, Christina would talk about impulse control and put it on her list of job skills she needed to develop. If Julie stood by her assertion that the boss or the organization was weak, counseling would ensue to let her know that lack of respect for the boss or process was incompatible with continued employment.
As it turned out, Julie was embarrassed by the incident and grateful for a chance to redeem herself. “I don’t know what got into me. Sometimes things just come out before I really think about them. I felt terrible about it.” Both Christina and Julie hashed out the incident. There was no lasting harm, and Christina and Julie could now talk about what was proper to say in a vendor meeting and what wasn’t. Christina assured Julie she would have a chance to voice her opinions, but at a proper time and in a respectful way. Julie began to work on expressing her thoughts more positively and within a few weeks, she actually felt better about getting along and affecting work outcomes more effectively. Christina and Julie felt closer, more in tune with each other, and better as a team.
Avoiding feedback hurts not just the employee, but the whole atmosphere of a team or organization. Using coaching and counseling feedback to address problematic behavior can turn an awkward situation into improved outcomes for everyone.
Want help developing a coaching approach for your next feedback session? Submit your email for a free 20-minute session to prepare a plan for giving better feedback.
*Names in this piece have been fictionalized.