No one wants to give negative feedback, and you don’t have to. Instead try positive feedback, coaching, and counseling.
A lot of my clients tell me they don’t want to give someone negative feedback. And they are right! Negative feedback can decrease motivation. However, when there are problems, the answer is not to deny the employee feedback altogether.
Instead, managers should try to turn problems into learning experiences. When people genuinely want to do well–and nearly all employees do–a coaching approach to feedback works best.
People Make Mistakes
It happens all the time. Someone you’re managing says or does something out of line. It might be an outburst, a poor decision, or some sort of mistake. Whatever it is, more often than not, the manager meets it with silence.
No one wants to give negative feedback. In fact, few bosses give feedback at all. According to recent studies, more than two-thirds of managers say they are uncomfortable communicating with their employees.
Considering that managers generally have several direct reports, it’s fair to assume that the vast majority of employees on the front line have little or no guidance. This does not bode well for the employees or organizations.
Fortunately, as a manager, you almost never have to give negative feedback. You can give positive feedback, and when problems arise, you can turn to coaching and counseling. These are positive approaches to problems that help people understand their mistakes. From there, they can learn from them, and move on in a positive way.
An Example of Feedback Options
Here is a recent example from my coaching. My client Christina took her new hire, Julie, along for a meeting with a vendor. Christina, Julie, and the vendor were on site, looking at an event space. During the conversation, the vendor recommended more tables.
“I think we need to do it,” said Christina, “but my boss needs to approve it.” Her response was perfectly balanced and considered.
Then Julie piped up: “He is so cheap. Why doesn’t he just spring for the right set up the first time?”
Christina and the vendor looked at each other, but no one said anything. The ride back to the office was more silent than usual.
A Coaching Approach
Using a coaching approach, a coach uses questions to make people aware of how they are coming off. Once they are more aware of the problem, further questions help them find more positive options. The goal is usually to increase collaboration, respect, and effectiveness.
When you coach your employees, ask questions that help them explore motivation and build awareness. Try to find the root of the problem.
- Is this employee having trouble controlling impulses?
- Does this employee need more training in technical skills so they make fewer mistakes?
- Does the employee need more oversight and fewer opportunities to make poor decisions until they get the experience to make better decisions?
By asking a few questions, you can find out what caused the incident. Then, you can take steps to create conditions for better future performance.
A Counseling Approach
A small percentage of employees are not coachable. For example, some people have emotional issues that coaching won’t resolve. Arrogance, resentment, and other entrenched negative emotions can create problems in the workplace. Also, people can be professionally incompatible with their job. This can happen if they have a skill gap, or don’t like the job or team. Sometimes they have outgrown the job. Perhaps the job evolved to where they don’t fit anymore. If they don’t want to quit, they can act out in disruptive ways.
It’s not a manager’s job to address these issues. Instead, these employees counseling.
What Is Counseling?
Counseling is a process of formally advising an employee about what is and what is not acceptable. It is appropriate when asking questions about the incident uncovers motivations and skill gaps that are difficult to address in a normal interaction with the employee. Perhaps during coaching, a manager discovers that the employee is disruptive becuase they have negative feelings about the organization, like lack of respect or resentment. This is beyond the realm of management. Likewise, the same is true if employee feels apathy or antipathy for the job, or if a poor decision is based on lack of interest in getting the job done right.
Counseling is not a threat or a warning about dismissal, and it’s important to keep that in mind. Rather, it’s about making an employee aware that their attitude may not be compatible with job performance.
Counseling is not Blaming or Shaming
By using a counseling approach, without judgment, blaming or shaming, you bring difficult issues to the surface. The goal is to make the employee consciously decide to change their behavior or change their job. It’s actually a way of empowering a disaffected employee and giving them a chance to figure out what’s right for them. When it’s done well, it is a necessary and often welcome chance to reset.
Counseling is a serious step. If you have to turn to counseling, notify HR and work with people who have the authority to make HR decisions. Once there is awareness of the problem and its severity, the employee and the organization need to work together. You may need to oversee the employee closely until they improve their attitude and starts engaging. Or the employee may leave. In the worst cases, the company fires them.
The Worst Thing is to Say Nothing
If you say nothing when someone makes mistakes or poor decisions, you set up even worse outcomes. This can go on for years. Often the organization takes covert steps to reduce the employee’s exposure or duties in an attempt to control potential for damage. With every reduction, the employee feels diminished, leading to even more resentment. The outcome will not be good and could turn ugly. But you can avoid low performance if you use coaching and counseling to deal with problems.
Moving Forward Positively
In our coaching session, as she recounted the incident with Julie and the vendor, Christina felt embarrassed, furious, and confused. “I couldn’t believe what she was saying! Do you think she really meant that about my boss?” As we discussed the incident, Christina realized she didn’t know if Julie had just blurted out something awkward or if she really didn’t respect the boss and the organization’s approval processes.
Because Julie was a new hire, I suggested that Christina schedule a first month review. Here, the goal was to find out about Julie’s awareness of her awkwardness. The plan was for Christina to ask first about any challenges. If Julie didn’t bring up the incident, then Christina would bring it up and say she felt uncomfortable.
Christina prepared herself for two kinds of answers. If Julie acknowledged awkwardness about what she said, Christina would talk about impulse control and put it on her list of job skills she needed to develop. If Julie stood by her assertion that the boss or the organization was weak, counseling would ensue to let her know that lack of respect for the boss or process was incompatible with continued employment.
A Positive Resolution
As it turned out, Julie was embarrassed by the incident and grateful for a chance to redeem herself. “I don’t know what got into me. Sometimes things just come out before I really think about them. I felt terrible about it.” Both Christina and Julie hashed out the incident.
There was no lasting harm. Christina and Julie could now talk about what was proper to say in a vendor meeting and what wasn’t. Christina assured Julie she would have a chance to voice her opinions, but at a proper time and in a respectful way. Julie began to work on expressing her thoughts more positively. Within a few weeks, she actually felt better about getting along and affecting work outcomes more effectively. Christina and Julie felt closer, more in tune with each other, and better as a team.
Avoiding feedback hurts not just the employee, but the whole atmosphere of a team or organization. Using coaching and counseling feedback to address problematic behavior can turn an awkward situation into improved outcomes for everyone.
