Conflict and empathy: usually empathy is more effective.
If you’re gearing up for conflict and empathy crosses you mind, what should you do? Instead of conflict, try empathy.
I know what you are thinking. If you want to fight, the last thing you want to do is empathize. So, ask yourself, do you want to fight or do you want results?
Conflict comes from the head—from the need to be right or to stay in control. On the contrary, empathy solves problems from the heart, helping people become open to change and allowing the change to come from within them.
Let’s be honest. We can’t “fix” other people. It’s important to note that from their point of view, they are not broken. They have their reasons for doing what they are doing.
You may have noticed that when you try to force someone to change, they become resistant. Often the attempt to change them, even “for their own good,” feels to them like an attack. From their perspective, your desire to change them demonstrates a lack of understanding of their full circumstances. Their defenses go up, and they start resisting. People rarely change when others don’t understand how they got there or why they do what they do.
The sooner we let go of the desire to control or change others, the sooner we can accept the way things are right now. When we accept people for who they are, we can be kind and empathetic. That’s when magical things happen.
To be open to change, instead of being told what to do, they need someone to see that they are doing exactly what anyone else in their exact shoes would do. They are doing their best, which is all anyone can do.
When you recognize their choices as valid and logical from their point of view, they can stop being defensive. I warn you, it can take time to convince them you really see things from their point of view, but it’s worth it. When they truly believe you understand them, only then can they stop defending themselves long enough to believe that change is possible.
Empathy, not conflict, is the key that unlocks the door to change. When you learn how to be empathetic rather than controlling, judging, or telling people what to do or how they should be, the magic of empathy opens new doors. You will be grateful too.
This post is part of my Gratitude Project 2025: The Magic of Empathy — a 30-day exploration of empathy and gratitude. Visit the hub to follow along or catch up on past reflections.
If you’d like to explore the science behind gratitude, visit the Greater Good Science Center’s Gratitude Resources.
