Sometimes we forget to pay attention to empathy and body language: the loudest clues that have no sound at all.
Let’s take a moment to talk about empathy and body language. Our bodies are always talking, signaling how we really feel. Regardless of what our words say, our bodies give us away. Unless you are a professional poker player or actor, you probably don’t think about or control how your face and body posture broadcast your feelings to the world.
- Have you ever seen someone walking around with a smile on their face and their shoulders all wound up around their ears?
- Have you noticed someone whose mouth tightens when you mention family?
- Surely you have seen young men who seem to be perfectly still in their seats except that below the table or desk, one leg is bouncing like it’s going to come off?
We all have feelings we don’t want to reveal to the rest of the world, and yet, we all have tells that offer plenty of information even when we keep our lips shut.
If you’re going to be empathetic, watch for body language. By listening to their words, you are getting only part of the story. To find where the important information lies, the difficulties and the problems, look for times when their words don’t match their body language. It’s a clue they are hiding something.
It’s a gift to offer an empathetic ear when people are hiding their feelings. Usually, their reticence doesn’t stem from privacy but rather from a sense that no one cares to listen. If they have been rebuffed, especially at work, or if they are trying to process deep issues or problems, they tend to clam up. The most common reason people don’t speak up, in fact, is that they are afraid they won’t be heard or understood. So, offering to listen can be a gift. (Of course, simply offer. If they do want privacy, that’s their right.)
Usually, most people are grateful when someone offers 10 minutes to listen empathetically or a half hour over a coffee. This is relationship building at its best, and very useful at work. It’s a kindness that they will be grateful for and want to repay you for some time in the future.
This post is part of my Gratitude Project 2025: The Magic of Empathy — a 30-day exploration of empathy and gratitude. Visit the hub to follow along or catch up on past reflections.
If you’d like to explore the science behind gratitude, visit the Greater Good Science Center’s Gratitude Resources.
