Mirroring and trust happen without trying, but when we learn to do it consciously, magical things happen.
Mirroring and trust are naturally related. Most of the time when we mirror each other, we are not aware of it. Mirroring or copying someone are natural and innate ways that we comfort each other, bond, and build trust.
However, when you can bring mirroring into your awareness and use it as a skillset, it becomes a technique for comforting, bonding, and creating trust. These are the conditions for high performance, so this is a particularly good skillset for business leaders.
The reason for the power of empathy in daily life and mirroring is a biological principle: We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. So, when you mirror someone, you’re subconsciously helping them see the similarities. It’s a way to signal, “Trust me, I’m just like you.”
Consider this simple mirroring experiment. To compare the effectiveness of mirroring vs positive reinforcement, psychologist Richard Wiseman set up an experiment in a restaurant. One group of waiters used positive reinforcement, praising and encouraging customer choices with words like, “great,” “sure,” and “no problem.” The other waiters simply repeated the customers’ orders back to them in their own words.
The results were stunning: waiters who used mirroring received 70 percent higher tips than those who used positive reinforcement. Most certainly, the waiters who learned how to mirror were grateful they did.
It’s another reminder that whether we admit it or not, emotions drive most of our decisions. We usually do what we feel like doing and rationalize it later. Mirroring is a great way to subvert the whole necessity of argument, persuasion, and debate, and get straight to the emotional heart of the matter. Usually, the head follows.
This post is part of my Gratitude Project 2025: The Magic of Empathy — a 30-day exploration of empathy and gratitude. Visit the hub to follow along or catch up on past reflections.
If you’d like to explore the science behind gratitude, visit the Greater Good Science Center’s Gratitude Resources.
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