Everyone wants influence at work, whether it’s with their boss, their team, or colleagues across the organization. The question is: what’s the best way to earn it? Influence is a subtle art. Sometimes even when you have the best advice, pushing too hard can backfire. In this post, I’ll explain what influence really is, how it works, and why it so often goes wrong.
What Influence Is
Influence at work is about advocating for an idea—not issuing a command. Many people assume influence comes from being the smartest person in the room or telling others what to do. In reality, it’s much softer than that.
Influence works best when it’s personal and respectful. For example, when someone asks for advice, you might share a short story about what worked for you in a similar situation, or highlight a key consideration they may not have thought of. Then you leave the choice with them. By treating them with dignity, you give them a model for success without undermining their autonomy.
If they try your suggestion and it works, they’ll be excited to share their success with you—and more likely to seek your input again. That’s when you know you’ve gained real influence at work.
What Goes Wrong with Influence at Work: An Example
Even when you’re right, pressing too hard can backfire. A famous example comes from medicine thanks to Atul Gawande in his book Better.
In 1847, Viennese obstetrician Ignaz Semmelweis discovered that doctors were spreading childbed fever by not washing their hands. In his ward, he required physicians to scrub between patients, and deaths dropped from 20% to 1%. The evidence was undeniable.
But instead of carefully sharing his results, Semmelweis berated colleagues who resisted. He refused to publish clear studies or explanations, and when challenged, he lashed out—calling fellow doctors “murderers” and “partners in a massacre.” Eventually, even his own staff turned against him. He was dismissed, and his lifesaving idea was ignored.
Two decades later, another physician presented the same practice with respect and evidence in The Lancet. This time, doctors listened, and handwashing became standard.
Semmelweis was right, but he was not effective. His story shows that telling people what to do creates resistance, even when the facts are on your side. Influence at work requires empathy, validation, and helping people see the “why” behind the change.
Four Ways to Build Influence at Work
So how do you gain real influence at work—without making Semmelweis’s mistake of pushing too hard? Here are four reliable strategies:
1. Do Someone a Favor
Influence grows from trust. When you help a colleague—without expecting anything in return—you build goodwill. Later, when you offer a suggestion, they’ll be more inclined to listen because they’ve already experienced your support.
2. Validate before Persuading
Before offering advice, acknowledge the other person’s perspective. Let them know their effort and struggles make sense. Validation lowers defenses and opens the door for new ideas. Only then suggest a different approach, framed around their needs.
3. Use Stories to Illustrate Success
Instead of giving directives, share a brief story of what worked for you in a similar situation. A concrete example is easier to absorb than abstract instructions—and it respects the other person’s ability to decide for themselves.
4. Coach with the GOOD model
Rather than telling people what to do, ask guiding questions: What’s your Goal? What are your Options? What Obstacles are in the way? What do you want to Do? This method shifts ownership to them, while you provide a structure that helps them find the best answer.
Next Steps to Build Your Influence at Work
Influence at work doesn’t come from authority or clever arguments—it comes from respect, trust, and the ability to connect with people where they are. When you practice validation, build trust, and guide others with confidence, your influence grows naturally.
If you’d like to explore further, here are three resources to continue your journey:
- Validation in Leadership: The Most Important Way to Help People Grow at Work – why validation is such a powerful leadership skill and how to practice it.
- Trust in Leadership: How High-Trust Cultures Drive High Performance – how trust creates engagement, performance, and lasting results.
- How to Get More Influence at Work – more strategies to expand your leadership impact.
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