Validation in Leadership: The Most Important Way to Help People Grow at Work

Validation in leadership is an often overlooked skill that builds trust and performance.

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Key Takeaways

• Validation is strategic, not soft. Research shows it boosts trust, learning, and motivation—making it a high-return leadership skill.
• Validation builds trust. When people feel seen, heard, and understood, they lower their defenses and bring more energy to problem solving.
• It’s not agreement. Validation acknowledges someone’s feelings or perspective without excusing poor performance or condoning choices.
• It strengthens motivation. Feeling validated is one of the fastest ways to re-engage people who are frustrated, disengaged, or defensive.
• Practical tools exist. Skills like attend, copy, contextualize, equalize, and propose give leaders a repeatable framework for validation.

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Validation at work is one of the deepest human needs—and one of the most overlooked leadership skills. Nothing motivates people more than feeling seen, heard, and valued. When managers learn to validate their team members’ feelings and experiences, they unlock hidden potential for trust, learning, and motivation.

Validation isn’t just “being nice.” It’s a powerful, practical tool for leading people. Used well, it can transform tense conversations, boost morale, and open the door for real change.

What Is Validation in Leadership?

Validation at work is the act of letting someone know you understand their experience and empathize with how they feel. It’s not about agreeing with them or fixing their problem. Rather, it’s about showing them that their perspective matters.

Think of validation in leadership as a tactical way to practice empathy. When you validate your team, you recognize that their feelings are real and important. In fact, that recognition alone is often enough to lower defenses, calm stress, and create space for collaboration.

The research is striking. Studies of therapy sessions show that clients who feel validated make more progress than those who don’t. For example, in motivational interviewing—a counseling approach used to change behavior—validation is the central tool. Even a 15-minute validation-focused conversation can shift behavior more than half the time, with results improving further when there’s follow-up. For leaders, that’s an enviable return on investment.

Why Validation in Leadership Builds Trust and Performance

At their core, every human being wants the same thing: to be seen, accepted, and valued for who they are. When leaders meet this need for a direct report or colleague, something shifts—the other person feels safe enough to lower their guard. In turn, that safety opens the door to growth, collaboration, and motivation.

Validation in leadership works like respect: it’s reciprocal. When you validate your team, they become more open to listening to you. Instead of pushing harder to be heard, they relax, knowing you “get it.” This creates space for problem-solving and forward movement.

The evidence backs this up. Studies in psychology show that when therapists consistently validate their clients, the likelihood of progress jumps dramatically. In fact, one review found that validation-based approaches like motivational interviewing had an effect in nearly 80% of cases. For leaders, the lesson is clear: validation at work isn’t soft—it’s strategic.

Validation Is Not Approval (or Weakness)

To really understand validation, it helps to be clear on what it isn’t.

Shame, guilt, or fear are forms of invalidation. Instead of validating, they push people into insecurity and self-doubt. For example, if a manager harshly criticizes someone for a calculation error, the person may internalize the message as “I’m bad at math”—turning a single mistake into a fixed identity. That invalidation shuts down motivation to improve.

Validation takes the opposite approach. It separates the person from the problem. Instead of attacking character, you help someone see the mistake as just that—something they did, not who they are. That distinction allows them to acknowledge errors without collapsing into defensiveness. Also, it makes it easier to take responsibility and focus on solutions.

And importantly: validation in leadership is not approval. Understanding someone doesn’t mean condoning their choices. A teacher, for instance, can recognize that a student acting out in class is under stress because of a divorce at home. That context creates empathy. However, it doesn’t excuse the behavior. Instead, it helps the teacher guide the student toward better choices.

When leaders practice this distinction—understanding without condoning—they make it safe for people to face reality and grow.

5 Validation Skills Every Leader Should Practice

Caroline Fleck, in her book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life, breaks validation down into eight specific skills. Together, they create a ladder of depth—starting with the simple act of listening and, at the highest levels, sharing your own personal experiences.

Not all eight skills are needed in the workplace. In fact, for most managers, the first five are the most practical and powerfulfor validation in leadership. These give you concrete ways to show someone you understand and care about their experience, without overstepping into therapy territory.

Here are the five skills leaders should practice most often:

1. Attend — Give your full attention. Put away devices, lean in, and listen without judgment. Eye contact, nodding, and a simple “Tell me more about that” signal that you’re present.
2. Copy — Reflect their words back. Use the exact language they use, without adding judgment or interpretation. This shows that you heard them clearly.
3. Contextualize — Place their reaction in context. Even if their behavior wasn’t ideal, you can acknowledge why it made sense given their history or situation: “After months of delays, it makes sense you’d lose your patience.”
4. Equalize — Normalize their response. Let them know that anyone in their shoes might have done the same: “Anyone who was that exhausted would have snapped too.”
5. Propose — Say the felt need plainly, then invite confirmation. State what you think they’re feeling or needing without hedging: “You need two weeks to do this right. Did I get that?” / “You felt dismissed in that meeting—right?” If you’re off, they’ll correct you and keep going. If they go in a different direction, go with that and let them clarify.

The final three skills—Take Action, Emote, and Disclose—can be validating in personal relationships, but in a professional setting they’re more delicate and best used sparingly. For anyone who wants the full framework, I highly recommend Fleck’s book, which is both accessible and deeply insightful.

Managers get the most traction from focusing on the five listed above.

What to Do When You Get Validation Wrong

Validation in leadership is a skill, not a script—you’ll guess wrong sometimes. If you miss, don’t defend or explain. Go back to Attend and Copy: listen, reflect their words, and ask a simple clarifying question.

For example, you might say, “That was scary.” If they reply, “No, it was frustrating,” you can pivot with them. “What was frustrating about it?” Then reflect back what they tell you.

The Goal of Validating Others at Work

When you validate your team, they feel seen and safe. That safety lowers defenses and frees up energy for problem-solving and change. You don’t have to push for solutions—once people feel understood, they’re far more willing to move forward on their own.

4 Quick Ways to Validate at Work

1. Attend. Put away devices. Lean in and make eye contact. Ask short, open questions like: “Tell me more about that.”
2. Copy. Restate the facts in their words—without judgment or prefaces. “So, you called, then texted, then stopped by the office because the client needed an answer.”
3. Contextualize. Name why their reaction makes sense in context. “You’ve done the same work as your peer for a year without the title or pay—I get why you’re pushing for a promotion.”
4. Propose. Say the felt need plainly, then invite confirmation. If you are listening intently and trying to put yourself in their shoes, you can imagine and guess what they were feeling. “You felt dismissed in that meeting. Is that fair to say?” If you’re off, they’ll correct you and the conversation deepens.

Next Steps for Leaders Who Want to Go Deeper

Validation is one of the most practical ways to practice empathy and build trust. If you’d like to keep exploring, here are three related articles:

• Empathy in Leadership: Why It Matters and How to Practice It – why empathy is the most underrated leadership skill, and how to build it into your daily habits.
• Empathy: One of Six Behaviors that Build Trust and Belonging for High Performance – practical insights on how empathy connects directly to engagement and results.
• Trust in Leadership: How High-Trust Cultures Drive High Performance – why trust is the foundation of team performance, and how leaders can cultivate it.

Common Questions About Validation in Leadership

Does validating mean I agree with everything someone says?

No. Validation is about understanding, not agreement. You can validate someone’s feelings while still holding them accountable for results.

What if I try and get it wrong?

That’s normal. People will usually correct you, which actually deepens the conversation. Just stay present, listen, and adjust.

Isn’t validation too “soft” for leadership?

Far from it. Validation builds trust and unlocks motivation—both of which drive performance. It’s one of the most effective ways to strengthen leadership impact.

How does validation build trust at work?

When people feel seen and understood, they’re more likely to trust you, take risks, and bring their best ideas forward. Validation makes that possible.

What’s the quickest way to practice validation in leadership?

Start small: listen fully, reflect back what you heard, and check if you got it right. Even a two-minute validating exchange can build trust.