How to be More Concise and Stop Rambling

We can all learn to be more concise. Good leaders know when to stop rambling and pause to see what others think.

“How can I be more concise and stop rambling when speaking?” A client brought up this question recently. Of course, the client didn’t stop there. “I tend to talk too long and get lost in what I’m saying. What is going through my head is not what comes out of my mouth. Especially when I’m trying to be as tactful as possible, the message sometimes gets lost.”

This is a common problem. In this article, I’m going to explore some of the processes that happen between your mind and your mouth to shed light on the different ways things can go wrong. I’ll also offer some tips to help you be more concise and stop rambling.

Why People Ramble

You may have noticed that sometimes, people ramble on about something far longer than they should.

In a very general sense, what is happening is a lack of self-awareness: When people can’t stop rambling, they have lost awareness of their audience. In fact, if they have very low self-awareness, they spend very little time considering how others might perceive them.

By nature, our minds wander. If you have ever tried meditation, you will have noticed that the mind has a mind of its own. It is extremely difficult to control our thoughts.

However, keeping a firm eye on our audience can help us focus on communicating clearly. People who have high self-awareness will tend to stop after they make a point. They have said what they want to say and now are curious how others will react. This is the hallmark of high self-awareness, the ability to focus on how others perceive you.

Don’t Think and Talk at the Same Time

Even if someone starts out making a clear point, they can get off track if they can start talking and thinking at the same time. This often ends up in a ramble where unprocessed thoughts start spilling out. These are the hazy, often circular thoughts that are normal in all our minds. We all have preoccupations and thoughts that stick in our heads.

Unfiltered thoughts generally don’t make a lot of sense to other people. Often, they are driven by ego or other emotional states, so they have not been checked or balanced by reason. If you’re not careful, you can say something you regret.

How we think and how we communicate are very different processes. Usually, ideas don’t come to us in a rational order. Our ideas surface in very idiosyncratic ways that are unique to each of us. Virginia Woolf likened a thought to a little fish in a river, darting about, surfacing for a moment, submerging for long periods of time, hard to catch and follow. It’s as good a metaphor for how we think as I have read anywhere.

However, we all have the ability to think logically and rationally. So, when we take time to sort out our ideas and re-order them logically, we can all understand each other. (Case in point: I have re-written the previous few paragraphs at least eight times to make them more understandable to you.) That means we need to take time to prepare our thoughts for someone else and shape them logically. When we do that, communication becomes clearer, more concise, and we can stop rambling.

Six Tips to Be More Concise

As I have said, the mind has a mind of its own. Left to itself, it will wander in unpredictable ways. The good news is that our minds can be trained. We can all learn how to be more concise and stop rambling. We can learn to say only what we want to say, and then turn our attention to others to see how they are receiving what we’re saying.

Here are my top six tips for being more concise and stop rambling.

1. Pause at your next breath to be more concise

When you realized that you are going on longer than you wanted, the easiest way to train yourself to be more concise is to pause at your next breath. Naturally, we breathe after a thought is complete. So, as soon as you become aware that you are rambling on a bit, just stop next time you inhale. There is no need to be harsh on yourself or beat yourself up for having spoken longer than you meant. That will probably confuse you further. Just note that you have made your point and stop when you breathe. Refocus as soon as you can and try to be curious about the people around you and their response.

2. Keep a notepad handy

If you pause, but you really want to make sure you get to another point, jot down a few words to remind yourself. You can always come back to make the next point later. Writing it down will help reduce the anxiety that may come if you think you will forget something. You will be less likely to try to insert the idea right now, and start grabbing attention again. Always have a notpad to park ideas until the conversation is ready for the next point.

3. Get comfortable with silence

Sometimes people ramble on simply to fill the silence. This is never a good idea, particularly in business. Time is valuable, so filling it up with talk that is meaningless or unimportant won’t be received well by others. To stop rambling, you need to be ok with silence. Use moments of silence to gather your thoughts.

4. Think it, then say it

As I said, the rule here is: Don’t think and talk at the same time. Spend time preparing to speak. For example, you might take a few seconds to pause in a conversation. Alternatively, you might take an hour or so to prepare yourself for more formal settings like a meeting. In any case, what you say matters. This is again a function of awareness. So, you need to be aware of the situation, aware of what you want to say. When you have an idea you want to talk about, take time to consiously put your thoughts into a logical order to be more concise and effective as a communicator.

Especially if you are preparing for a meeting, take time beforehand to clarify your thoughts on the issues that are likely to come up. Consider this meeting preparation time part of your work and schedule it in your calendar. Most good leaders take considerable time to clarify their communications and decide how best to say it. They think up stories to illustrate their point. This is all planned, even if it sounds off the cuff.

5. Think it, Then DON’T Say It

Of course, you can always decide when you are thinking something NOT to say it. There are lot of thoughts that might be confusing at best, judgy or offensive at worst. These thoughts are normal, but most of us filter them out because we don’t want to be offensive, mean, or arrogant.

This is not self-censoring or holding back an important or authentic belief. The ability to control your impulses is a positive skill that will help you get along better. You may alter what you want to say to make it more tactful or to consider others’ feelings. It’s in your best interest to act as your best self, not your rawest self.

Again, thinking about how others will respond to what you say is a function of self-awareness. If you do want to express something that might be perceived as mean or offensive, spend a lot of time figuring out a non-offensive way to say it. Before you say it, make sure you are saying something in a way that is constructive and honors other people’s feelings as well as your own.

6. Ask “What Is the Goal Here?”

Presumably, at least in business, there is a topic of conversation and usually a goal. You might be gathering information, analyzing data or a situation, training someone, learning something, or making a decision. When you feel you might have been rambling, you can always refocus the conversation on the goal simply by asking, “what is the goal here?”

If you have gotten lost in the conversation, it’s likely that others have gotten off track too. Refocusing on what you want to talk about usually helps everyone become more self-aware and return to a more rational conversation.

All of these techniques will help you become more self-aware. Self-awareness is the leadership trait that is most associated with business success, and even most predictive of success. Starting with your communication is a great way to begin developing more self-awareness.