Coaching style is important for success in any coaching relationship. Ignoring this important element of coaching is one of the most common buying mistakes.

Beyond a coach’s experience and coaching specialty, it’s important to consider someone’s coaching style. If you haven’t had coaching before, you might not have thought about style in coaching. However, if your personality doesn’t fit with your coach’s style, your coaching experience may end in disappointment.

While all coaches use the coaching method of self-reflection and self-discovery as a basis for learning, coaching styles span a spectrum from purely non-directive to purely directive, and everything in between.

A Spectrum of Client-Centric Coaching Styles

Coaching style refers to the extent to which coaches are client-centric. Being client-centric means they allow the client to set the pace of learning, steer the conversation toward matters of importance to them, and decide on steps for growth or discovery.

Coaching consists of a series of conversations between a client seeking growth and improvement, and a coach who acts as a guide for self-reflection and discovery of new ideas. Most if not all coaches use questioning to stimulate self-awareness and self-learning. Beyond questioning, many coaches use role playing, knowledge or research sharing, stories, and other exercises to help people develop self-awareness about their thinking and situation.

As the client, it’s your responsibility to choose a coaching style that is right for you. Below I describe the most common coaching styles. At the end, I offer a quick self-assessment to help you find the best coaching style for you.

Non-Directive Coaching Style

The purely non-directive coaching style is the principle behind Motivational Interviewing, non-directive therapy (also called client-centric therapy or Rogerian therapy), and others. The International Coaching Federation (ICF), requires certified coaches to be non-directive and client-centric. Their code of ethics allows for more directive types of learning only when the coach announces to the client that they moving into other modalities like recommending resources, offering solutions, or sharing expertise.

When it’s done right, non-directive coaching is surprisingly effective. It is based on research demonstrating that most people need to be validated before they can be open to change. Validation is the process of helping someone feel seen and heard for who they are. It is a form of empathy, helping convey to someone that you understand their challenges and believe that they are doing their best under the circumstances they find themselves in. When people feel validated, they lower their defences and begin to feel they can trust you. Only then can they be open to considering changes that improve their results.

Motivational Interviewing, a wholly non-directive therapy technique, often works powerfully in medical cases to motivate people to make substantial lifestyle changes in one or two conversations. These are lifestyle changes that have been intractable for years in other settings. For a good example, watch this video to see how a ten-minute conversation helps someone change their drinking habits.

Most of us think that telling people what to do, persuading them, even arguing with them is the way to get people to do something. However, studies show that these methods usually make people defensive and resistant to change. No adult likes to be told what to do. It’s demeaning and makes them feel like they are being treated like a child.

But actually, the goal of coaching is to empower people to own their own decisions and feel in control of the decisions that affect their life. When people feel validated, people are capable of surprisingly fundamental changes. This is why non-directive coaching is the basis for most coaching approaches.

Directive Coaching Style

Some proprietary coaching programs are almost exclusively directive. These are programs by experts who have solidified what works from their experience and offer programs with information and exercises that help you get similar results. This would include motivational speakers like Tony Robbins or Brene Brown, and also coaching programs like CRR Global, Gallup, and others. These tend toward the teaching side rather than the self-discovery side of the spectrum. Generally, they decide what you will learn, so they are more speaker-centric than client-centric.

These programs teach techniques that work in certain circumstances. Sometimes people are motivated by them to make changes in their life. Most of these organizations measure success by how many people attend their events, not by the amount of change in their clients. If they are successful in changing someone, it’s because the person is ready to make that change and wants to.

Mixed Coaching Style

Many coaches find that being flexible and mixing non-directive techniques with other coaching styles is most effective. They spend some or most of their time in non-directive, client-centric exploration of thinking, behavior, and results. They may also offer other techniques such as assessments, role playing, research, coaching homework, further reading, or stories to help the client see possibilities for change.

Coaches who mix styles generally advise clients that, regardless of where the information comes from, the client must take responsibility for their actions and decisions. In a coaching relationship, the client is always in control of the decisions they make.

Choosing the Right Coaching Style for You

All of these coaching modalities can be effective. It’s up to you to decide what coaching style will best fit your thinking and learning style.

From the client’s point of view, non-directive coaching can feel supportive and respectful. Clients who find change to be difficult may be more comfortable with a purely non-directive approach. If you are confident that you are doing the right thing and feel angry or insulted if someone suggests other ways of working, a more non-directive coaching style may be right for you.

Clients who are eager for change and ready to try new things may be most appreciative of a mix of non-directive and directive options. Nearly everyone wants to feel validated and respected for what they have accomplished. Some people also welcome suggestions or research on what works for others from a coach they trust. If you sometimes question what you’re doing and would welcome some guidance on methods and ideas, a more directive or mixed coaching style may be right for you.

Three Questions to Find the Right Coaching Style for You

The most important thing is for you to be comfortable with the coaching style of the coach you choose. Everyone is somewhere on the spectrum between very resistant and very open to change.

Here is a quick and simple self-assessment to discover for yourself what coaching style might be right for you. Rate how much you agree with the following statements on a scale of 1 to 5.

5 indicates you strongly agree.

1 indicates you strongly disagree.

  1. I resent it when other people try to solve my problems.
  2. I’m confident that I have made the best choices in my work.
  3. When I hear a new idea or technique about how to manage my team or sitation, I feel resistant to change.
  4. I welcome other peoples’ ideas for change.
  5. I sometimes doubt myself and wish I had suggestions for new techniques that might be more effective.
  6. When I hear a new idea or technique about how to manage my team or situation, I am open to trying new options.

If you score high on the first three and low on the last three, a more non-directive coaching style may be right for you.

If you score low on the first three and high on the last three, a more directive or mixed coaching style may be right for you.

If you are in the middle, you may be most comfortable with a mixed coaching style.

When talking to prospective coaches, talk about how you feel about change and ask about their style. The goal is to find a good fit between yourself and your coach.

Further Reading

Now you know about coaching styles and the range of styles coaches can have. Next, you might want to look at the following blogs:

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