Every year in November, I dedicate myself to 30 days of gratitude.
Nov. 1: Daily acts of gratitude and a habit of connecting with others helps us feel safe, relax, breathe easily, and enjoy life. This year, I’ll be celebrating the many ways we practice gratitude and create positivity in our lives and the lives of others. It feels good and it’s good for you. Feeling safe and accepted is a powerful predictor of overall health. It is also the foundation for high performance. People perform better when they want to, and nothing is more motivating than a positive workplace where good work is recognized, effort is appreciated, and a positive team spirit fosters cohesion. Who wouldn’t be grateful for that? In the coming days, I’ll celebrate all the ways we can cultivate a habit of gratitude and create better work and life environments. Follow along and discover how practicing gratitude daily uplifts you and those around you.
Nov. 2: I’m starting with my gratitude project with the power of empathy. When you stand in someone else’s shoes, you begin to understand what they need to feel safe. In fact, being understood lowers stress, slows down breathing, and allows us to help people access the skills they need for resilience. My motto is: When in doubt, try empathy.
Nov. 3: Listening is underrated and underused. We all have busy lives and our own desires and pressures. Putting that aside to listen to someone else is a powerful act that act that can heal others, create connection, build confidence, and reduce conflict. Our lives are filled with distractions that keep us from listening: our phones, our calendar, our own thoughts. Putting that aside for someone else makes them feel heard and validated in a way that will make their day and yours.
Nov. 4: Gratitude is the antidote to all the negativity out there. Since the pandemic, the number of people feeling depressed or anxious is at an all-time high. Regardless of how bad things may feel, being grateful for whatever is good—no matter how small—helps us build resilience and find hope for a better tomorrow. Feeling grateful helps release dopamine and serotonin, two hormones that create a sense of ease and peace. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, gratitude helps us recognize what is right. Practicing gratitude is the smallest thing you can do to make the biggest difference.
Nov. 5: Today I’m exploring the power of recognizing the excellence and efforts of others. If you’re grateful for the people who help you achieve your goals, recognition is the way to show it. Everyone wants to be noticed. It’s not about egotism, it’s about feeling seen and appreciated. When you recognize what they have done or the work they have put it, you set in motion a cycle of positive feelings that boosts motivation. Recognition doesn’t have to be fancy. A habit of giving a high five or a shout out in a meeting is enough to create a positive workplace or home culture.
Nov. 6: You hear a lot about curiosity and for good reason. It’s the antidote to judgment. Judgment makes people feel small and reduces motivation. Instead of judging others, develop a habit of being curious. You might not do what they are doing, but most people do what they do because they have reason to believe it’s right. Being curious allows you to shift from your mindset to theirs to seek understanding. I am endlessly curious about people. I watch and ask them often how they feel about nearly everything. When I understand someone, what motivates them, what triggers them, what gets them out of bed in the morning, they rarely surprise me. Being curious helps me motivate others and handle what comes my way.
Nov. 7: Compassion is the feeling of caring about other people’s suffering. Let’s face it, the world is tough and there is a lot of suffering on many levels right now. Inflation has housing and living costs rising adding to the already high levels of anxiety and depression left over from the pandemic. In the face of these problems, compassion helps ease the pain. Most people don’t want you to solve their problems. They do want to feel like someone cares about their problems and believes in them solve them. Compassion is always an appreciated response when others are in pain.
Nov. 8: Often, our harshest critics are ourselves. Self-compassion is the process of finding your own love for yourself. It helps you find reasonable boundaries and feel good about your efforts and abilities. Giving yourself fully either at work or at home sometimes can be overwhelming and lead to burn out if we forget to protect ourselves and our boundaries. When we appreciate ourselves, it’s easier to appreciate others and be a productive member of a team.
Nov. 9: Kindness is what happens when we truly care for others. When you care, you want to be generous, helpful, and thoughtful. While we are often kind to those closest to us, expanding your kindness to everyone around you makes the world better. Even small acts of kindness can be powerful and help us feel we live in a world where we are seen and where we matter. Hold a door or elevator for someone. Invite someone else to go ahead of you. Tip the hardworking person who brings you a hot meal or drink on a cold day. Enjoy the smile you get in return. When you act with kindness, you make someone’s day, and that happiness can ripple outwards to make the world just a little bit better.
Nov. 10: The less we have, the more important it is to be generous. We often think of generosity as something that is for the privileged or the very wealthy. But the power of generosity is in how it makes the giver feel. Benjamin Franklin famously spent one of the few nickels he had in his pocket when he landed in the US on a piece of bread, and coming out of the bakery, he shared half of it with someone less fortunate than him. Immediately, with nearly nothing in his pockets, he felt rich and he pursued the things that helped him become what we wanted to be. Being generous when you have a lot is easy. But when there is little to go around, being generous helps you feel bigger and that can help you become what you envision yourself to be.
Nov. 11: Forgiveness has almost nothing to do with person you are forgiving. Forgiving is the act of letting go of old grudges, old wounds, old slights, and old insults. It is the first stage of healing, of living freely without the grip of bygone pain. Consider practicing this forgiveness ritual from Hawaii called: Ho’oponopono: Picture the person who is related to your pain and chant in your mind: I love you. I’m sorry. I forgive you. Thank you. After a few repetitions, imagine the pain dissipating, perhaps fluttering off with the wind or going up in smoke. Forgive and you can unburden yourself of the pain that you no longer need.
Nov. 12: In general, people are who they are. I have seen many cases in which the effort of trying to change someone has led to broken relationships. It might feel like you are trying to fix them, but they are not broken. They act the way they act because they believe it is right for them. It may not be your way, but your way may not be better for them. If you want better relationships, accept people for who they are and work to understand them. When you can accept others, you can see them as equals and find your place among them and share what you bring to the table in a way that others will want to listen.
Nov. 13: Just as emotions prompt certain facial expressions from the inside out, certain facial expressions can prompt emotions from the outside in. Showing an emotion on your face, even when you don’t feel the emotion, signals a release of likeminded hormones and you begin to feel the emotion you’re showing. If you frown, you’ll feel unhappier. If you smile, you’ll feel happier. Emotions are physical. We often think of them as a mental state or mindset, but actually, every emotion releases a hormonal soup that creates chemical changes in our body. Smiling also has other benefits. A smile often begets a smile in return and seeing someone smile at you is a great way to cheer up. So start from the outside if you want to feel better and…smile!
Nov. 14: Love is like a muscle. The more you use it, the bigger it gets. There are not many things in life that get bigger with use, but if you think about the people you know, you will notice that some people seem to be surrounded by love all the time. This is no accident. We often think of love as something that happens spontaneously, and certainly, love can seem to come from nowhere. More often than we think, though, love is an action. Listening, caring about what someone says or thinks, acting with particular kindness or generosity can create the love we seek or feel. Act with loving kindness to everyone around you and you will find yourself surrounded by loving friends.
Nov. 15: Researchers at the Mayo clinic recognize laughter as a great form of stress relief. And who among us doesn’t need to relieve some stress? The benefits of laughing include stimulating your organs, relieving stress and tension, improving your immune system, and reducing pain. It doesn’t matter what’s making you laugh. A funny movie or show, a joke, a funny thought, anything that makes you laugh is bound to improve your mood and your well-being. If you are looking for better health and well-being, turn off the news and start watching, reading, and listening to more comedies. You’ll feel better.
Nov. 16: There is no easier way to connect with someone else than sharing. Whether it is a thought, a meal, or an experience, sharing creates a commonality of feeling that is the basis for cooperation, cohesion, respect, and community. Humanity is founded on the principle of sharing. It is the building block of civilization. When you share a thought or a talent with someone and then listen to their thoughts or enjoy their strengths, you both grow smarter and more connected. So don’t wait for someone else to share with you. Start sharing and you will see how much comes back to you.
Nov. 17: Just like the body, the mind needs rest. We all know the feeling of thinking so much that we can’t make one more decision. Sure, we all sleep, but resting your mind in the middle of the day, when you are fully alert, can bring you back to a state of productivity and creativity. It might seem like a paradox to be alert when you relax, but if you practice forms of relaxation when you are fully awake, you’ll find that not thinking allows the unconscious mind to sift through ideas and process experiences in ways that can be helpful. Take 5 minutes to do a quick meditation, to power nap, to make a cup of coffee or tea, or to walk around the block. Relax when you are awake, and you’ll find your work easier to accomplish when you come back.
Nov. 18: The ability to be open to different outcomes or pathways is a common trait that I see in effective leaders, and particularly in inspirational leaders. They don’t get too involved in how something is done, or too attached to results. They want the best from everyone, and they allow others to determine actions and objectives. At the basis of their open-mindedness is a deep sense of trust and admiration for the best in others. They believe their team will do its best, and that belief is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. It encourages others to own the results and inspires others to work harder to make things happen. When I think of open-mindedness, I’m reminded of my favorite quote from Steve Jobs: “We don’t hire smart people to tell them what to do. We hire smart people so they can tell us what to do.”
Nov. 19: Judging is a destructive habit. The problem is, for many people, judging feels like helping. Some people think they need to judge others in order to make a decision, or they want to “fix” other people. Either way, judging gets in the way of believing in others to grow, learn, and engage in their work. Any time you say “should,” “better” or “worse” or any other judging words, you are setting up a hierarchy. You are implicitly saying that you know better and they are not as good as you are, which inevitably makes the other person feel bad. Instead of judging, trust others to have good reasons for what they are doing and even better, be curious why they are doing it that way. Showing interest in their thought process will make them feel heard, validated, and motivate them to try harder. You can always gently suggest an improvement or another way but trust them to find the best way for them.
Nov. 20: As much as I love chatting away with friends at a meal or taking a walk, sometimes I love sharing a quiet moment even more. Especially if the food is good or the view is wonderful, spending a moment in silence, experiencing the same thing, is bonding in a way that goes beyond language. I’ll stop there for today.
Nov. 21: I know it happens every night, but unless it’s overcast, there is a daily moment of magic where you can find beauty no matter where you are. Just look up. The sky will turn incredible colors, from pinks and yellows to deep oranges, reds, and purples. The light from a sunset shifts before your eyes and in a few minutes, the magic is over. Take time to appreciate the sunset daily and find your life enhanced by beauty and wonder.
Nov. 22: A lot of my posts in my gratitude project this year center on the many ways I’m grateful for human connection. Maybe it’s the result of the time bonding with my family in the forced seclusion of the pandemic now giving way to more space and time between us. Eye contact is a particular kind of human connection that is necessary and deeply satisfying. We are innately attuned to the minutest variations of expression and often, it’s the eyes that express most clearly what we are feeling. Consider being conscious for a few days of the times you make eye contact and note the feeling you get and the intuitions you receive. You’ll see why eye contact is on my list as something to be grateful for.
Nov. 23: The season of giving is almost here or perhaps it has already arrived. As we think about what we want to give to the people we appreciate in our lives, consider the gift you give of yourself when you do someone a favor. It’s a gift of your time, thoughtfulness, and effort. Like other kinds of gifts, doing someone a favor activates the law of reciprocity, a universal, unstated law that makes us feel we want to return the favor. Sometimes, if you do favors for others, the favors will come back to you in the most unexpected and needed moments.
Nov. 24: Thanksgiving dinner is itself a metaphor for all that we are grateful for and it is the inspiration for My Gratitude Project. So much of the time, we rush through life and eat on the run, but this is a day to slow down. As you look forward to eating that most wonderful of holiday meals, be mindful as you eat. Taking a moment to be present and to enjoy the food and the people you are with right now, is a delicious way to practice gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Nov. 25: I’m always telling my clients: “Your feelings are telling you something. Other people’s feelings are telling you something.” I say this because, as it turns out, emotional self-awareness is the number one predictor of leadership success. It means knowing what you feel and being able to connect your feelings to the source, either a thought or external event that has affected our emotions. When you get good at knowing what you feel and why, you naturally start figuring out what other people feel and why. This leads to acting in ways that help others support your goals, which is the basis of leadership. Today I’m grateful for feelings and the self-awareness to tune into all that emotions are telling me about myself and those around me.
Nov. 26: Having a sense of purpose at work and in life elevates the everyday to a noble cause. Studies show that people who see their work as having a larger purpose actually engage more and burn out less. They feel less stress even though they are working just as much as others. When you see your career not as a series of promotions for your own success but as a way to serve others and contribute toward achieving a common goal, work becomes inspiring. Find your sense of purpose and gratitude will increase naturally all around you.
Nov. 27: Some people think you are either an optimist or you aren’t, but actually, optimism is a skill you can practice and one that you can learn. Consciously remembering all the good things that we are grateful for can lead toward optimism. Here’s a quick exercise: remember a time when you felt good about what you had done. Now, think of a word or phrase that helps you bring back that feeling. Use that word in your mind to tap into feelings of accomplishment as you go about other tasks and find a sense of optimism that things will work out well. Studies have shown that salespeople with high optimism outsell those with average optimism by up to 80%, so what you think actually does matter for what happens. Being optimistic helps you keep doing the things that will get you where you want to go.