I feel sorry for this guy. Not because his car is jacked up–it’s a commercial after all–but because, as an actor, he has the same script as a 16-year-old girl getting surprised with a car for her birthday. His job is to make us feel sorry for him, but the words are not going to get him there. He only has tone to do it. The commercial is effective because he and the girl get the tone right. There is a lot to be learned here about getting tone right and how important tone is for getting the response you want, not just face-to-face but in email as well.
Tone isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it. He and the girl have exactly the same words and entirely different meanings. How they say it overshadows what they say. One is ecstatic, and the other dismayed. It’s not the words we hear or remember, it’s the joy and pain. They do what actors do: they feel the emotion and let the emotion guide their delivery.
Email is notoriously tone-deaf, which doesn’t mean that you can’t convey emotion in email. In fact, most of us have received an email that delivered an emotional punch in the gut. Long after the email is deleted, the emotional fall-out is still reverberating.
Usually this happens accidentally, which is why in business, most people try to remove emotions from email. This results in that bland bureaucratic tone that makes people’s eyes glaze over. You’ve seen them, the emails with too many four-syllable words couching behind an administrative facade. You probably don’t read them, just the barest skim to see if anything is worth your time.
The truth is, without a little emotion, it’s hard to get a response, and tone is how you convey emotion. If you aren’t inspiring, motivating, encouraging, questioning, guiding, and empathizing, you aren’t leading. Sure, you can stop by someone’s office or wait for a team meeting, but face-to-face meetings aren’t always possible or even desirable. You’re missing an effective tool if you exclude email from your list of ways to influence and move things in the right direction. It’s a perfect medium for small emotional nudges in between meetings.
If you develop this skill, writing important emails with just the right tone can get people on board with feeling what you feel about a project, initiative, or any team effort. This can be an invaluable tool. In most organizations, meetings ratify what has already been negotiated, developed, and agreed to in the pre-meeting discussions. Some of those discussions are best done in person, but not all.
A well-crafted email that lays out your case and gets people to feel what you feel is often more persuasive than an impassioned speech at a meeting or a face-to-face confrontation. It gives people space to consider your point of view and come around without feeling like they have lost the argument. For leaders or emerging leaders, it’s essential to be able to send an email that gets the tone right.
Obviously, in email, you can’t use your voice to convey emotion. Still, there are many ways to control how you say something to deliver an appropriate emotion like excitement, passion, determination, perseverance, and team spirit.
Here are 8 ways to get emotion just right in professional emails:
1. Feel the emotion you want to convey.
There is no substitute for authentic emotions. If you are excited about a new product, make sure you feel that excitement when you email your customers. If you are dubious about a new work-place initiative, make sure you feel a sense of doubt when you write. Usually the right words will follow your emotions. Try to find exactly the right way to express the emotional nuance. If you are having trouble, consult Parrot’s Classification of Emotions for a nice list of subtle feelings. That said, if your emotions are running high, it’s best to wait.
2. Keep emotions in the mid-level range.
It’s easy to be put off by emotions that stray outside professional boundaries. At most workplaces, it’s not uncommon to get hundreds of emails a day. Anything too difficult to deal with is going to get short shrift. “I’d really like a chance to brainstorm new marketing initiatives” is going to be more effective than “Wow, let’s get together and come up with something that will really knock the committee off its feet!” An email with encouragement for specific actions can be a timely reminder between meetings and formal reviews to help keep people on track. If the task is to change someone’s mind, avoid coming on too strong. Try easing in with something like, “I’ve been thinking about what you said and have some further thoughts….” Follow with careful reasons why another position is advantageous. Any negative message beyond mild disappointment or a minor course correction should be delivered in person.
3. Be specific.
If you’re feeling something, whether it’s positive or negative, presumably something has given rise to those feelings. Be specific about what has gotten your emotional needle to move. The more specific, the better. Try something like: “Sandra has exciting results from product research that she’s sharing at today’s meeting. Hope to see you there.” If you are asking for help with a task or someone’s time or expertise, be specific about what you are asking and how it will help you. Most people are eager to be the one to ride in on a white horse to save the day. Letting them know how important their contribution is usually a compelling reason enough for them to give a little more effort. If you share a common goal and the news or task is worthy, others should be willing to share the feeling in response.
4. Don’t be too casual or too formal.
Either end of this spectrum can be a turn off. What is acceptable in a text between friends, like “r u…” is not acceptable in a professional email. On the other hand, you don’t want to sound like you are writing a formal legal document or academic paper. Aim for a conversational style and do your best to sound like yourself. If you are uncomfortable with your writing style, the best way to develop a writing voice is practice. Start with smaller emails and work up to longer, more important ones. Be personable, aim for clarity, let them know how you feel, move on.
5. Have a beginning, middle, and end.
Your email should have a structure so that each sentence adds something, giving the recipient a reason to keep reading. Start with a greeting and set the stage with a neutral or factual description of the topic, or a simple observation. This will give the reader a context for what comes next. The middle section should lead with emotion. Use narrative, personal information, and specific details to illustrate what brought about this feeling. End the email with action steps or a question that clearly asks for the response you want. Check and revise the email before you send it and delete any sentences that repeat ideas. You’ll be surprised how much more powerful it is to say something once well, rather than diluting it with repetition.
6. Avoid clichés.
It’s always best to avoid clichés, but it is especially important when expressing your emotions. Overused phrases lack sincerity. If you’re trying to inspire your team, don’t ask them to “dig deeper” or show “get-up-and-go.” Find your own words to express what you are asking and to inspire them to put the right amount of effort in the right direction. A little time invested in finding your own words to say what you really want is well worth it.
7. Use images and imagery.
A header image, like you might find on a blog, can sometimes be very powerful. Beauty shots of new products, a photo of a key speaker at a meeting—these can convey visually what you want to say. Keep the image small and horizontal. Remember to embed the image using “insert” rather than attaching it.
Using imagery, a picture painted in words, can also be effective. It can just be a word or two, like, “You’re the first intern to close a deal with a client initiated from cold calling. Josh, you’re a star!” The feeling comes across instantaneously. It’s a great way to make someone’s day.
8. Schedule time to write important emails.
Don’t think you can simply dash off a quick 30-second email to someone and get the tone just right. It usually doesn’t work that way. Schedule 5-10 minutes, or possibly more for high-stakes emails, to craft a well-worded message that will get the response you want. Again, it shouldn’t be long, about 50-100 words is optimal. It’s more about how you are communicating your message, so take time to be sure you have found the right way to say it.
They Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel
It should go without saying that this advice is helpful when you avoid classic email blunders. Proofread for typos, spelling errors, and grammar. Check to make sure you have the right recipient and don’t reply all unless necessary. Make sure the email passes the Front Page Test and you would be ok if it went public.
Whether you’re a team member or a team leader, you can and should be inspiring others, giving feedback, influencing, and motivating those around you, even in email. As Maya Angelou said, “they may not remember what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
As a coach, I specialize in communications and leadership. Book a free session if you are looking to improve your ability to inspire and influence.