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let someone else go first as expression of empathy and gratitude

Mirroring and Trust: The Science of Empathy at Work | My Gratitude Project Day 7

Mirroring and trust happen without trying, but when we learn to do it consciously, magical things happen. Mirroring and trust are naturally related. Most of the time when we mirror each other, we are not aware of it. Mirroring or copying someone are natural and innate ways that we comfort each other, bond, and build trust. However, when you can bring mirroring into your awareness and use it as a skillset, it becomes a technique for comforting, bonding, and creating…

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Mirror Neurons and Empathy: We’re Wired to Connect | My Gratitude Project Day 6

Innate mirror neurons hardwire us for empathy. We are born with mirror neurons and empathy, which promote the emotional connection we need to thrive. How we use empathy in daily life determines how well we create the bonds that satisfy our human needs. Yesterday, I wrote about copying someone’s words as a way of signaling that you hear them and at least, that you are interested in hearing more from them. But actually, mirroring or copying doesn’t require words at…

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Empathy validation compassion for My Gratitude Project

How Tactical Empathy Turns Conflict into Connection: My Gratitude Project Day 5

One step beyond feeling empathy is tactical empathy, or what some people call, validation. Tactical empathy is the act of letting another person know you see them, you hear them, you understand them. To be effective, validation has to resonate with the other person as if they said it themselves. The easiest way to do this is to mirror what they said, or copy it. Hearing their own thoughts from another person’s mouth is a powerful experience. This is a…

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Empathy vs Sympathy: Why One Heals and the Other Distances | My Gratitude Project Day 4

Empathy vs sympathy: they sound alike but they are quite different. We feel sympathy for someone and, in contrast, we feel empathy with someone, that’s the difference between empathy vs sympathy. Feeling sympathy for someone implies a certain distance. It’s more like feeling pity for someone. They are feeling something that you are not. They are struggling, and you are not.   When you empathize with someone, you feel what they are feeling. So rather than distancing, it is bonding.…

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Empathy is Non-Judgmental and Transcendent: My Gratitude Project Day 3

Empathy is non-judgmental. As soon as you start judging someone—labeling them good or bad, right or wrong, should or shouldn’t, and the like—you have ceased empathizing. The point of empathy is simply to understand someone, no more, no less. Empathy cannot be about you or your opinions or how you would do it. Like you, everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, reasons that have built up over time. Decades of habits and experience that have led us…

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Empathy validation compassion for My Gratitude Project

Empathy is Not Agreement — But It Can Transform Everything: My Gratitude Project Day 2

Empathy is not agreement, but understanding others deeply is transformative in ways that lead to gratitude. You can empathize with someone even when you disagree with their beliefs or their actions. Truman Capote’s book, In Cold Blood, is perhaps one of the most powerful illustrations of empathy without agreement. Capote set out to write about a terrible crime, the murder of the Clutter family in Kansas. He spent 4 years researching the book. In the beginning, he describes in excruciating…

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Lisa D. Foster, Ph.D. ACC  is an independent coach. As an Associate Certified Coach by the International Coaching Federation, Lisa honors and abides by the ICF Code of Ethics.  All coaching sessions and consultations are confidential.

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