Coaching style is one of the biggest factors in whether your coaching experience succeeds—or stalls.
Ignoring this key element is one of the most common mistakes people make when choosing a coach.
Key Takeaways about Coaching Style
| If you only have a minute | Remember this |
| Why it matters | Your coach’s style affects whether the relationship succeeds or stalls. |
| Non-directive style | Best for people who prefer reflection and self-discovery. |
| Directive style | Works well for those who want structure, tools, and clear guidance. |
| Mixed style | Combines both approaches—reflection plus practical action and guidance. |
| Next step | Use the 3-question quiz to find the coaching style that fits you best. |
Beyond a coach’s experience and specialty, their style can make or break the relationship. If your personality doesn’t fit with your coach’s style, you may feel frustrated or disengaged, even if the coach is skilled.
While all coaches use self-reflection and self-discovery as a foundation for learning, coaching styles vary widely—from purely non-directive to highly directive, and everything in between.
A Spectrum of Client-Centric Coaching Styles
Coaching style describes how much a coach centers the process on you as the client. A client-centric coach lets you steer the conversation, set your pace, and decide how to apply insights to your goals.
Every coaching relationship is a series of guided conversations that help you think differently, build awareness, and improve results. Most coaches use questioning as their main tool—but many also bring in role playing, stories, research, or exercises to expand your perspective.
Ultimately, your role as the client is to choose the style that works for your learning and comfort level.
Non-Directive Coaching Style
A non-directive coach follows the principles behind Motivational Interviewing and Rogerian (client-centered) therapy. The International Coaching Federation (ICF) emphasizes this approach, requiring certified coaches to remain client-centric and non-directive unless they clearly shift into another modality, such as training or consulting.
This method is grounded in research showing that people need to feel validated before they can be open to change. Validation—helping someone feel seen, heard, and respected—is a form of empathy that builds trust. Once people feel safe and understood, they’re far more willing to explore new perspectives and take action.
Studies show that telling people what to do or arguing for change usually backfires. Most of us don’t need a study to tell us how irritating it is when someone tells us what to do. We’ve all been there. Non-directive coaching empowers people to own their choices and act on their own motivation. That’s why it forms the basis for most coaching philosophies.
Directive Coaching Style
At the other end of the spectrum are directive coaching styles, often found in proprietary programs or expert-led methods. These coaches teach from proven frameworks—think Tony Robbins, Brené Brown, or Gallup’s CliftonStrengths.
Directive coaches tend to be speaker-centric rather than client-centric. They share tools, steps, and techniques that work for many people, and you can apply them to your life. This approach can be energizing and practical—especially if you’re already motivated to change and want a clear structure to follow.
The potential drawback is that directive programs measure success by participation or enthusiasm, not necessarily by individual transformation. Still, for clients who want tangible strategies, this style can be highly effective.
Mixed Coaching Style
Many experienced coaches blend both approaches. A mixed coaching style balances open exploration with practical tools—depending on what the client needs at the moment.
These coaches often combine reflective questioning with resources like assessments, research, or recommended reading. They may assign light “homework” which consists of trying out new techniques or ideas in real life, or offer case examples to help you test new behaviors.
Even when a coach shares expertise, the client still owns their decisions. In coaching, the goal isn’t to follow instructions—it’s to discover how to think more clearly about your own choices.
Choosing the Right Coaching Style for You
All of these approaches can work. The key is alignment between your learning style and your coach’s way of working.
If you prefer to move at your own pace and dislike being told what to do, you’ll probably feel most comfortable with a non-directive coach. This style feels supportive, patient, and validating—ideal for those who need time to process change.
If you enjoy structure and value expert input, you may thrive with a directive or mixed-style coach. You’ll get both accountability and inspiration, along with a partner who challenges your assumptions.
The most important thing is your comfort and trust. Coaching is a relationship built on openness and respect. When those elements are present, real growth happens.
Quick Leadership Coaching Style Check
Not sure what coaching style fits you best? Take this 3-question check to point you in the right direction.
1️⃣ When you’re learning something new, do you prefer to:
A. Figure it out yourself
B. Get a few pointers, then experiment
C. Have someone show you exactly how it’s done
2️⃣ When someone offers advice, do you usually:
A. Feel annoyed — I like to find my own way
B. Listen, then decide if it fits
C. Appreciate it — I like direct feedback and ideas
3️⃣ When you set goals, do you prefer:
A. Time to reflect and find what feels right
B. A mix of reflection and structure
C. A concrete plan and accountability
Mostly A’s: You’ll likely thrive with a non-directive coach — one who helps you reflect and find your own answers.
Mostly B’s: A mixed-style coach may fit best — someone flexible who balances reflection and structure.
Mostly C’s: A more directive coach may be right for you — one who offers tools, guidance, and clear action steps.
The right coaching style helps you feel both supported and challenged. When you’re ready to find the right coach, look for someone whose approach fits your way of learning and growth. You can also explore how leadership coaching helps people strengthen confidence, trust, and decision making.
Keep Learning about Leadership Coaching
Explore the full How to Find a Coach series to better understand what kind of support fits your goals and learning style:
- Why Hire a Coach, and How to Find the Right Coach for You
- What Business Coaching Is and Why It Works: The Proven Science That Helps Good Leaders Get Even Better
- Coaching vs Teaching vs Therapy — What Is Better for Me?
- If You Can’t Find a Good Mentor, Get a Great Coach: How We Really Learn at Work
- Executive Coaching vs Leadership Coaching: What Is Better for Me?
Keep learning about leadership coaching and how to find the right coach to help you grow in your role and reach your goals.
Want to learn what coaching looks likes? Join my free webinar for a taste of coaching: One-on-Ones that Motivate.
