How to Appear More Confident and Speak with Authority

Nearly all of my clients want to appear more confident and speak with authority. Some want to look more confident; others want to feel more confident. These goals aren’t the same—but both are achievable.

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Leadership Presence vs. Real Confidence: Why Appearance Isn’t Enough

“Leadership presence” is a catchall term for behaviors leaders commonly exhibit. However, real confidence is more than a set of behaviors that you exhibit. It’s about being able to respond authentically in the moment, without being defensive.

I understand the impulse to focus on appearances. If you don’t feel confident, it may seem like true confidence is out of reach. However, the truth is, anyone can grow real confidence in just a few months with focused effort. It requires the willingness to let go of old beliefs that hold you back.

A Coaching Example

Recently, a young man reached out to me for coaching. When I asked about his goals, he dodged the question and asked about my background. I answered and tried again: “Why are you looking for a coach?”

He said: “I’ve been in this role for 3 years, and it’s time for a promotion.”

Over the next 10 minutes, no matter how I tried, he wouldn’t talk about himself. Finally, I asked if I could share an observation. When he agreed, I said: “I’ve noticed you’re reluctant to talk about yourself. Coaching requires self-reflection—thinking about what you’ve done, so you can discover new perspectives and ways to grow.”

He fell silent, then abruptly ended the call.

That’s what it looks like when you don’t trust yourself. He wanted to appear more confident, but avoided the self-reflection that builds the real thing. So, when faced with a challenge, he had a classic “flight” stress response. No one is going to promote you if they don’t trust you. If you won’t be honest with yourself, others sense it—and no amount of posture or polish can cover that. That’s why appearing confident without the willingness to be authentic can backfire.

Why Authenticity Matters

The old advice, “fake it till you make it,” doesn’t hold up anymore. Culture has shifted: authenticity is valued far more today than in prior generations. You might get away with faking it in a business pitch—but as a leader, “faking it” will set off stress responses that give you away.

People can sense inauthenticity. Your face, tone, and body language send signals even you can’t control—microexpressions, eye dilation, blink rates. Most people can’t pinpoint these signs consciously, but our brains pick them up. It’s an evolutionary advantage: we instinctively know who we can trust.

If you only try to appear more confident without doing the deeper work, people’s trust barometer will eventually tip the wrong way.

Two Emotional Intelligence Skills That Build Real Confidence

Two emotional intelligence skills offer a direct line to genuine confidence: self-regard and self-awareness. Strengthening these skills helps you appear more confident because you truly are more confident.

1. Self-Regard

Self-regard means fully accepting yourself—the good, the bad, and everything in between. It’s the bedrock of real confidence.

When you don’t accept your weaknesses, you waste energy pretending. That pretense adds stress, triggering fight, flight, or freeze responses—exactly when you want to appear confident. Ironically, the more you try to hide your insecurities, the more visible they become.

Accepting your weaknesses doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it frees you. When you acknowledge what you’re not good at, you can rely on others’ strengths and spend more time using your own. So, people who use their strengths daily are more engaged, happier, and more productive. That’s the foundation of authentic confidence.

2. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness helps you sense how others perceive your actions. When questions about your confidence or authority arise, self-awareness helps you pause and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting defensively.

Leaders with high self-awareness can smooth over disagreements, rebuild alignment, and respond in real time to maintain trust. They make people feel secure, which fuels creativity, collaboration, and motivation. This not only builds others’ confidence in you—it deepens your own.

How to Appear More Confident by Building Real Confidence

Building confidence may feel daunting, but in just a few months, steady effort can make a real difference. Here are four practical exercises:

1. Start with your strengths.
   Think of a peak experience—a time you were at your best. Write about it in detail: the goal, your actions, what accounted for your success. Then identify the soft and hard skills you used. Keep that list handy and use your strengths every day. People who use their strengths every day build more confidence.
2. Acknowledge your weaknesses.
   Make a list of things you’re not great at or don’t like about yourself. Once you acknowledge them, you no longer need to hide or overcompensate. Acceptance takes away their power. You can look someone in the eye and say, “Yes, I’m not good at that, and I’m still doing just fine.” People who compensate for their weaknesses have fewer triggers and are perceived as more confident.
3. Keep a self-awareness journal.
   For one week, note every time your emotions shift—what happened, how you felt, and why. Be specific and try to connect what was happening to how your emotions shifted. Do you see any patterns? Then, extend the exercise to noticing how others feel and why. This builds awareness of emotional dynamics that shape trust and confidence.
4. Practice confident humility.
   Real confidence isn’t arrogance. Confident humility means being sure of your strengths while recognizing and celebrating the strengths of others. Leaders who lift others up inspire loyalty and respect far more than those who always need to be the smartest person in the room. People gravitate to confidence without ego more than arrogance.

Final Thought

Some self-doubt is normal. Everyone questions themselves at times. But real confidence is the ability to look at yourself in the mirror on your worst day and still believe in your best self.

If you want to appear more confident, focus on building real confidence through self-regard, self-awareness, and confident humility. That’s the kind of confidence that lasts—and the kind that inspires others to follow.

Next Steps

Read more about confidence and how to build it here:

• How to be a Confident Leader and Beat Imposter Syndrome
• Why Self-Regard is the Bedrock of Emotional Stability, Confidence, Trust, and Resilience.
• Emotional Self-Awareness is the Strongest Predictor of Leadership Success
• The Best Ways to Understand and Cope with Stress

Take my 3-minute Leadership Skills Audit and get personalized tips you can implement today.

FAQ: How to Appear More Confident and Speak with Authority

How do I appear confident even if I don’t feel it?

Start with small, steady practices—eye contact, posture, and tone—but pair them with deeper work like self-regard and self-awareness. That combination makes confidence authentic and sustainable.

Why does “fake it till you make it” not work for leaders?

Faking confidence can set off a stress response, which undermines trust. Today’s workplace values authenticity and humility more than bravado.

What’s the difference between self-regard and self-awareness?

Self-regard is about accepting yourself fully—strengths and weaknesses alike. Self-awareness is about tuning into how your actions affect others. Together, they build authentic confidence.

Can confidence really be built in a few months?

Yes—with consistent reflection, practice, and feedback, most people see meaningful gains in confidence in just a few months.