Dialing Emotional Independence in Just Right : Lisa D. Foster, Leadership Coaching & Training

January 16, 2024

Emotional independence works best when you’re not too high or too low in independence, but find a mid-point that’s just right.

To maintain good relationships–important for happiness at work and in life–it’s best not to be too aggressive or too weak. The best relationships are built on being able to keep communication lines open respectfully and non-judgmentally, especially during difficult situations. Your ability to manage your independence is closely related to how well you establish relationships with others. Too little independence and you tend to be needy or clingy. Too much emotional independence and you tend to be perceived as arrogant, aggressive, or avoidant. People who dial in independence and other emotional intelligence skills just right make ideal employees.

As an emotional intelligence skill, independence is characterized by the ability to be self-directed and to be free of emotional dependency. Once someone with emotional independence takes on an assignment or job, they don’t need a lot of hand holding. They figure out the daily tasks needed to get the job done and are generally pretty happy if no one bothers them as they achieve their goals.

What Emotional Independence Looks Like

People with high emotional independence:

Are generally decisive, optimistic, and confident
Like clear goals and targets
Set their own daily goals and tasks
Hold themselves accountable for results
Are able to learn from difficulties and improve to get better results next time
Don’t need a lot of guidance or support
Do need recognition and gratitude

Just because they don’t like a lot of micro-managing doesn’t mean they will perform in a vacuum for any length of time. In order to succeed, they need resources to do their job right. Those resources might include technology, information, strategy, realistic timelines and targets, and clearly defined goals and areas for achievement.

Also, like everyone else, people with high emotional independence thrive on recognition. No one toils away alone day after day without a reward. They appreciate a shout out or high five when they hit aspirational goals, and they expect (and deserve) the financial rewards of high achievement.

People high in emotional independence gravitate to certain jobs where they are traditionally left alone to do their job. Academia, sales, and engineering are notably attractive to people who prefer to be self-directed. Jobs where collaboration is highly desirable are less appealing to people with high emotional independence. Those who climb the ladder into managerial roles need to temper their independence and may have to work harder to collaborate closely with others and respect others’ opinions.

Emotional Independence in Sales

Sales is a great area for people high in emotional independence. Studies show independence to be a high value trait for sales of any level of complexity from low to very high. Give them a product with clearly defined differentiators, a clearly defined sales territory, reasonable targets, a string of leads, an expense account, and flexibility to make their customers happy, and they will happily pursue their goals without much interference. Good salespeople can generate six to ten times what they are paid, so financial rewards for excellence are generally good investments.

Studies show that sales managers typically prize their independence even more than salespeople on the front line. They are even more focused on achieving important goals, even during times of market disruption, company discord, or in the face of personal distress for themselves or their team members. They are often excellent at supporting a team because they understand what salespeople need to be happy and productive. Just as they did during their own frontline days, they are personally invested in the success of their team and know how to maintain trusting, empathetic, and credible relationships.

When Independence Goes Too Far

As with any emotional intelligence competency, overuse can turn independence into a liability rather than an asset. The lone cowboy rebelling against social contact and social norms, determining his own sense of justice, is a pretty good example of how too much independence can lead to loneliness and isolation. In the extreme, as we have seen in the US where that archetype has achieved mythical status, it can lead to extremist acts against a society that they scorn.

In the workplace, people with too much independence are easily frustrated with others. It may be difficult for them to understand someone else’s anxiety at being left alone, and they may appear to lack empathy in these cases. They can take over projects or areas of responsibility to the point where others feel stepped on. They sometimes miss out on the close bonds that good office relationships can offer and resist invitations to socialize with others, much to their own political detriment within an organization. An overuse of independence can be seen by others as arrogance, which can stall career growth.

Even people with moderately high independence may at times speak out with their opinions even if it leads to conflict. Communication is most effective when it is neither too aggressive or too weak, so people with high independence do better when they understand the limits of this strength and work hard to be good collaborators and empathetic colleagues.