The longer answer is this: Most people naturally learn emotional intelligence on their own over the years. Of course, some people learn more, and learn faster, than others.
Emotions are intuitive and we all have them. Simply thinking
about emotional skills like empathy, independence, impulse control, and stress
tolerance helps us get better at them.
So, people who value the emotional aspect of personal interactions improve their people skills, or emotional intelligence, fastest. Day-to-day experiences teach us how to handle other people’s emotions as we seek to reach common goals.
On the other hand, people who value reason over emotions do
their best not to think about emotions. By trying to keep feelings out of their
day-to-day interactions, they often end up behind the curve in emotional
intelligence.
That’s because emotions are integral to human behavior.
Reason only drives part of our behavior and emotions drive the rest. You simply
cannot explain a lot of behavior unless you look at the emotional component.
For example, why do so many people buy stocks when the price is up and sell when the price is down? It’s not rational financial behavior as it leads inevitably to financial loss. It only makes sense if you see that it’s motivated by fear: fear of missing out (FOMO) when the trend is hot, and fear of losing too much when the stock is going down. It’s the same in politics, fashion, tech, and even medicine and business. The trends that drive how our world works are inherently emotional, not rational.
Emotional intelligence accounts for up to 50% of success in
a workplace. If you’re one of the people keeping your head down at the office and
getting your work done, you are missing a lot of what’s important in your
workplace. The connections and interchanges with other people at work are as important
as assignments and daily responsibilities.
Three Tips to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Start with Self-awareness: The foundation of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. You need to be aware of how emotions work within yourself before you can better understand how they are working in other people. Think about the seven emotions everyone displays: disgust, anger, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise, and contempt. Which of these are you comfortable with? Which make you uncomfortable? If there is one you don’t think you have, start looking for it. Everyone has these same emotions, and where we differ is in how we handle and react to them. The variations in how we respond to emotions is infinite. Once you start seeing how emotions work to influence nearly everything you do or say, you’ll start learning how your variations play out and start to notice how others respond differently to the same emotions.
Set an EI Goal: Start with a simple EI goal, like the
one above of becoming self-aware, or trying to reduce the emotions that throw
you off, like fear, or trying to become more emotionally independent. If you are
one of those people who like being rational, even about emotions, try learning
more about EI by reading a book or finding information on-line. I would
recommend any of Daniel
Goleman’s books. He is the original researcher who identified and brought
understanding of emotional intelligence to the public. Honor your inner voice
in choosing your goal.
Hire an Emotional Intelligence Certified Coach: If it is important to you to make a difference in your EI quickly, engage a coach who is certified in Emotional Intelligence like the EQi-2.0 (Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0). There is 50 years of research and investment into teaching Emotional Intelligence because it’s so valuable to businesses and organizations. A certified coach can assess your strengths and give you a comprehensive report that will help you see your emotional strengths and opportunities for improvement. The report will give you a way to think about certain kinds of emotions and suggest ways to balance your emotional needs. The coach will guide you through your emotional skills and help you identify ways that you can use your strengths to become more attuned and adept at using emotions to understand and control more of your life.
If you’re looking to increase your emotional intelligence, contact me for more information.
